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This Week's Personal Development Article

SELF HELP AND SELF DEFENCE

Be careful what you wish for ‘cos you might just get it... so says the old expression.   Of course, wishing, hoping or wanting won’t get you very far in life because, at the end of the day, we get what we believe – not what we wish for – and believing is not wishing, hoping or wanting, believing is seeing, feeling, hearing, smelling and tasting what you want as if you have it already.  Your subconscious mind uses your five senses to experience reality – unfortunately though, in adding its own twist to the incoming data, the normal person never actually experiences reality at all – just what they think is happening.   So also does your subconscious mind use your five senses as the key reference points for beliefs and it is your beliefs, held deeply within your subconscious, that dictate your reactive behaviour and create your life.   Change your beliefs and you change your behaviour and outlook on life and, in doing so, create a new reality for yourself.

So let’s re-state the old expression – be careful what you believe you already have, because you will get it.  Therefore, you need to be extra-ordinarily careful about what it is you want out of life because, all too often, people “set their minds” on things that they think they want only to find, when they get them that they aren’t what they wanted at all – or worse, these new achievements wreak havoc in their lives.    So, in determining what is best for you, you need to disregard the normal comparative and competitive definitions of success and listen to what the inner you says to you.  You need to seek happiness, peace of mind and the kind of all-embracing holistic success that will make your world, and the worlds of those around you, a better place – effortlessly.

Assuming that you do know what you want out of life (and I do not know many people who are anywhere near sure enough to enable themselves to be single-minded in the manner in which they live their lives so as to bring about their ideal life) – but assuming that you do, I want to add a new expression to the wealth of expressions that are bandied about when it comes to self help.  It is this – be careful who you tell what you wish for.

You need to play your cards close to your chest in life.  You do not want to share your hopes and dreams with all and sundry – because you are surrounded by normal people, as we all are, and normal people are not all there – they’re crazy, so says seventy years research.  But, of course, you don’t need research to prove to you that the vast majority of people don’t care about you and, on the basis of the manner in which they behave, don’t much care for themselves either.   Most normal people would prefer to see you fail rather than succeed.  Most normal people take delight in people, who are striving to be better or different, falling on their faces.   Most normal people love gossiping about the bad things that have happened to others.  And most normal people will rubbish your goals and dreams because, if you’ve seriously thought through what you want out of life and understand how to set your mind to get it, your goals and dreams may be way off the normal people Richter Scale!

I recently received an email from a reader who asked me what do you do if your partner, nearest and dearest, is rubbishing your efforts to better yourself.   Yes, even people close to you may not want you to better yourself, or to become different, to rock the boat.   Normal people don’t like change.  In particular, heaven forbid should someone close to them change so much that they don’t want to be with them anymore!   Normal people will tell you that you can’t achieve extra-ordinary things – haven’t we, as normal parents, been telling our children that since forever.   “Daddy, Daddy, when I grow up I’m going to be an astronaut!”  “Don’t be so ridiculous, you’ll get a good education and a good job like your Daddy!”   If you share your dreams with people who either don’t matter to you or people on whom you cannot depend, they will try to bring you back down to what they think is reality.  They will try to know you down, they will tell you that you cannot be abnormal.
And all this negative energy – the stuff on which normal people “thrive” (and that’s clearly the wrong word) – will get in on you because the default adult state of mind tends to find it easier to believe the negative.  You will start second guessing yourself, your mind will be divided – and a divided mind always fails.  You need to keep your mind focused on your inner beliefs of what you have yet to achieve.  You have to ensure that no one can mess with your head – unfortunately, sometimes, that includes your partner.   Nevertheless, if you don’t put your fulfilment first, what use will you be to those around you. 

So when it comes to self-help, self-defence is one of the most important strategies that you must put in place.  And the best form of self-defence is to ensure that you don’t expose yourself in the first place. 

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